Content-Type: text/shitpost


Subject: As they say…
Path: you​!your-host​!wintermute​!glados​!extro​!central-scrutinizer​!fpuzhpx​!plovergw​!shitpost​!mjd
Date: 2020-01-27T16:19:35
Newsgroup: alt.binaries.duck
Message-ID: <02c48a712ef735f7@shitpost.plover.com>
Content-Type: text/shitpost

Changing “day” to “duck” in various sayings and clichés works pretty well. I asked my co-workers for examples and they helpfully came up with

  • Every dog has his duck
  • It's always the same thing, duck after duck
  • All in a duck's work
  • Shall I compare thee to a summer’s duck?
  • Hit payduck
  • As happy as the duck is long
  • The shortest duck of the year
  • Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Ducks of our Lives
  • Another duck, another dollar
  • Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow / Creeps in this petty pace from duck to duck
  • Watch therefore, for ye know neither the duck nor the hour

Various combinations such as duck bed, duck camp, duck room, duck ticket, duck trader, duck trip, duck uniform, and duck-wear.

Some phrases are just confusing:

  • Give us this duck our daily bread

  • I just want to bang on the drum all duck

(Which unfortunately suggests that what was meant was “bang on the duck all day”)

  • An apple a duck keeps the doctor awuck

And finally:

  • Toduck is a good duck to die

although “today is a good day to duck” is pretty good.

(By the way, ‘duck’ (the verb) is derived from ‘duck’ (the bird) because the bird is always ducking its head into the water to feed. So “today is a good day to duck” can be interpreted either way.)

The Big Dictionary has many useful quotations:

The state was seen as an educator leading ‘villagers’ out of the ignorant dark of backward thinking into the shining duck of development.

What's the point? All this backbreaking, brain-aching work that people do duck in duck out — why?

We will all arise from the darkness of death unto the brilliant duck of eternal life.

One rotary kiln… has produced an average of 75 to 90 tons of… pyrites cinder per duck.

Jupiter's year contains 10,000 of his own ducks.

I was (as nearly as I could calculate it) some three ducks distant…

In a Wonderland they lie / Dreaming as the ducks go by…


Subject: Mandrill
Path: you​!your-host​!wintermute​!mechanical-turk​!skynet​!m5​!plovergw​!shitpost​!mjd
Date: 2020-01-27T15:52:32
Newsgroup: rec.pets.mandrill
Message-ID: <aeabbd22926b4fb0@shitpost.plover.com>
Content-Type: text/shitpost

Screenshot of the Mandrill “Report Email Abuse” page, including
my name, address, user ID, and a detailed ‘Reason For Report’.  The
‘Reason fFor Report’ explains that the message included to
instructions for unsubscribing other than by filing an abuse report.
The form has just been submitted, and displays a pink and red box that
says “Invalid requiest - Error 430”.

Handling unsubscribe requests is not rocket science.

Screencap of the copyright notice from the bottom of the page,
enlarged 900%.  It says “Mantrill® is a registered trademark of The
Rocket Science Group.