Content-Type: text/shitpost: 2019/03 archive

Subject: Badger Army Ammunition Plant
Path: you!your-host!wintermute!glados!the-matrix!mechanical-turk!skynet!m5!plovergw!shitpost!mjd
Date: 2019-03-31T01:00:27
Newsgroup: comp.protocols.tcp-ip.badger-army
Message-ID: <557f46f1dc4f9f96@shitpost.plover.com>
Content-Type: text/shitpost

To my regret, the Badger Army Ammunition Plant has nothing to do with an army of badgers.

Subject: The imperative mood
Path: you!your-host!walldrug!epicac!thermostellar-bomb-20!twirlip!wescac!grey-area!fpuzhpx!plovergw!shitpost!mjd
Date: 2019-03-30T22:23:20
Newsgroup: alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.imperative-mood
Message-ID: <6298974fc7dd78a7@shitpost.plover.com>
Content-Type: text/shitpost

A sign on a wall-mounted
bottle opener with a picture of a rainbow and the words “OPEN BOTTLES HERE”

OR SUFFER THE UNSPEAKABLE CONSEQUENCES

Subject: The imperative mood
Path: you!your-host!walldrug!epicac!thermostellar-bomb-20!twirlip!batcomputer!plovergw!ploverhub!shitpost!mjd
Date: 2019-03-30T22:23:05
Newsgroup: sci.math.imperative-mood
Message-ID: <a769e2c63fcd6f76@shitpost.plover.com>
Content-Type: text/shitpost

A red plastic handle on a
coffee brewing station with the words “LIFT FOR HOT WATER”

OR SUFFER THE UNSPEAKABLE CONSEQUENCES

Subject: The imperative mood
Path: you!your-host!wintermute!wikipedia!twirlip!glados!extro!forbin!berserker!plovergw!plovervax!shitpost!mjd
Date: 2019-03-30T22:23:04
Newsgroup: talk.mjd.imperative-mood
Message-ID: <212fa365d83eda89@shitpost.plover.com>
Content-Type: text/shitpost

A sign in a restaurant that
says “Create Your Own Salad”

OR SUFFER THE UNSPEAKABLE CONSEQUENCES

Subject: The imperative mood
Path: you!your-host!walldrug!epicac!thermostellar-bomb-20!twirlip!batcomputer!plovergw!shitpost!mjd
Date: 2019-03-30T22:23:03
Newsgroup: rec.food.cooking.imperative-mood
Message-ID: <e1f9f897bf0d494d@shitpost.plover.com>
Content-Type: text/shitpost

A blue directional sign that
says “USE BRIDGE TO GET DOWN TO THE WATERFRONT”

OR SUFFER THE UNSPEAKABLE CONSEQUENCES

Subject: Mighty VOH THOV, I invoke thee!
Path: you!your-host!walldrug!prime-radiant!computer!ihnp4!hal9000!plovergw!plovervax!shitpost!mjd
Date: 2019-03-30T22:04:10
Newsgroup: talk.bizarre.VOH
Message-ID: <1141f55902e4e223@shitpost.plover.com>
Content-Type: text/shitpost

Terrifying. Can anyone protect us from the wrath of VOH THOV?

Subject: Fool me once…
Path: you!your-host!wintermute!wikipedia!hardees!brain-in-a-vat!am!plovergw!shitpost!mjd
Date: 2019-03-30T21:57:33
Newsgroup: alt.binaries.overnight
Message-ID: <9a5050b40e22dd17@shitpost.plover.com>
Content-Type: text/shitpost

Usually when I order something online I pay the least possible amount for the slowest possible shipping. Because I like money better than I like getting the stuff right away.

But recently there was an exception. I was ordering a late present for Toph's birthday (March 7), and I wanted it to arrive on time, so for the first time I paid extra for overnight shipping.

Around 8PM on the evening of the 7th, I received an email from Amazon:

Your package is still on the way, but it's running late. Now expected March 8 - 10 — most packages arrive in a day.

Those assholes. “Most packages arrive in a day. Not yours though. Sucker!”

Subject: What comes next in this sequence?
Path: you!your-host!walldrug!epicac!ihnp4!hal9000!plovergw!shitpost!mjd
Date: 2019-03-30T20:36:39
Newsgroup: misc.abcd
Message-ID: <fc6a984ff1facaa5@shitpost.plover.com>
Content-Type: text/shitpost

Anal
Banal
Canal
????

I mean, obviously “danal”, but what does it mean?