Content-Type: text/shitpost

While the 2005 film remake of The Dukes of Hazzard was being planned, there were rumors that Anthony Anderson was being considered for the role of the villain, Boss Hogg. This would have been interesting, as Anderson is Black, and Hogg is not. But they ended up giving the role to Burt Reynolds. Boss Hogg is a malevolent but jolly buffoon, and I have trouble picturing handsome, self-possessed, well-built Burt Reynolds in the role. But I haven't seen the film, so maybe it worked.

Today I saw a picture of Anderson and once again regretted the lost opportunity. But then I thought: why not a version of The Dukes of Hazzard in which almost everyone is Black? I think it works well! You could cast two young, clean, handsome Black men as the Duke brothers. Their Uncle Jesse translates exactly, change nothing. Daisy can still be talented and beautiful, canny but a little naïve, and wear her little shorts.

Some characters could be left white, for variety. For example, Cooter the mechanic could be either black or white. Sheriff Roscoe and the deputies could go either way, I think. You'd have to make Boss Hogg himself Black, or else I think the mood would be spoiled, the show would be too little about the cheerful foiling of corrupt local government, in which there is never any doubt who will win in the end; it is not supposed to be about depressing everyday racial oppression. The Dukes should be a light comedy, not a heavy slog.

One thing absolutely must be changed: The General Lee must have a new name and it cannot have the Confederate flag on the roof. So far the best replacement name I've thought of has been Robert Smalls, after the famous politician, Civil War hero, and former slave Robert Smalls:

During the American Civil War, the still enslaved Smalls commandeered a Confederate transport ship in Charleston Harbor and sailed it from the Confederate-controlled waters of the harbor to the U.S. blockade that surrounded it. He then piloted the ship to the Union-controlled enclave in the Beaufort–Port Royal–Hilton Head area, where it became a Union warship. In the process, he freed himself, his crew, and their families. His example and persuasion helped convince President Abraham Lincoln to accept black soldiers into the Union Army.

“Robert Smalls” even has the right cadence to replace “General Lee”.

Smalls was born in Beaufort, South Carolina, and the current flag of South Carolina is distinctive, lovely, and well-established historically:

I picture the Robert Smalls as a Dodge Charger like the General Lee, but black instead of orange, and with the flag of South Carolina on the roof in blue and white. The original show was set in the fictional Hazzard County of Georgia, but I don't remember the exact state ever mattering, and I see no reason why it couldn't be moved to South Carolina with no other changes.

Yeah, I'd go see that. Sure, some people would complain, probably the same ones who complained about the race-swapping in the 2014 adaptation of Annie. Fuck 'em.