Content-Type: text/shitpost

The Bible contains numerous references to the “ephod”. It is some sort of garment or garb, but it is not entirely clear what it was like.

For example:

(Judges 8:27) And Gideon made an ephod thereof, and put it in his city, even in Ophrah: and all Israel went thither a whoring after it: which thing became a snare unto Gideon, and to his house.

I suggest that the ephod was actually an iPod.

The biblical evidence for this would seem to be equivocal. For example:

(2 Samuel 6:14) And David danced before the LORD with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod.

Presumably even in biblical times, an iPod was not made of linen. But there is an explanation: the word “ephod” could refer either to the iPod itself, or to the linen belt or sweatband to which it was attached. Clearly David was wearing some sort of sport cuff while dancing, and attached to this, or perhaps in a pocket of it, was the iPod that supplied his dance music.

Whatever, I am not an expert. Biblical scholars have thousands of years of practice in explaining away minor discrepancies like this one, so I will leave it to them.