Content-Type: text/shitpost

Last month I was introduced to the work of Fiona Apple, which I just love. She has released only four albums since her debut in 1996, the last one in 2010. I went trawling through Spotify looking for offcuts and miscellany. I found five or six tracks.

One, unfortunately, was a cover of “Frosty the Snowman”. For an awful minute my mind teetered as if on a fulcrum, as I tried to decide whether to listen to it. I finally decided in favor of Fiona Apple, and listened to it. Once was enough. Even Fiona Apple could not redeem “Frosty the Snowman” for me.

This reminds me of the time I found out that Alanis Morisette had covered “My Humps”. I had previously decided that “My Humps” was the single worst song ever recorded. No, not quite: Christmas songs are in a separate division. “My Humps” is the winner of the non-Christmas division, but the competition in the Christmas division is much stiffer. “My Humps” is so bad that a Google search for it turns up this page titled “The Worst Song Ever Made” even though the page does not actually mention “My Humps”. Anyway I was eager to see if Alanis Morisette could somehow redeem “My Humps”, and while I give her an “A” for effort, I sadly concluded that she could not. Sorry, Alanis. It was a good try, but some things are better left alone.

However, “Frosty the Snowman” is not the worst song ever. There are other versions I would be willing to try. I would be willing or even interested to hear “Frosty” covered by any of: Laurie Anderson, Jane's Addiction, Laibach, D.J. Lebowitz, Gary Numan, Tom Waits, or Yamatsuka Eye. Probably there are others.