Content-Type: text/shitpost

Over the last few years I periodically considered whether I should set up a Patreon account and ask people to give me money if they like my blog.

I was never very happy with the idea, for several reasons:

1. I write the blog primarily to amuse myself, and if people started to send me donations for it, I might start to worry about what they wanted instead of what I wanted.

2. Even worse, some people might think that donating entitled them to tell me what they wanted and then they might tell me so.

3. If it started earning a significant amount of money, I might start playing games to try to increase my pageviews or some shit like that, the endpoint of which is Buzzfeed. I would like my blog to be at the other endpoint.

Also, it seemed kind of tacky.

Happily, the decision was taken out of my hands. For about a year I had been signed up as a Patreon donor, regularly giving small donations to a couple of worthy projects. Another worthy project appeared, but when I signed up for it, I immediately received the following notice:

Hello there,This is a note to alert you that your Patreon account has been suspended and is pending removal for suspected fraud. If you believe this action was taken in error, please reach out to us…

This was mysterious. Who is defrauding whom? If I'm being defrauded, why remove my account? And how could I be defrauding anyone? They have been successfully charging my credit card for months.

So I opened a support ticket, asking:

Fraud on whose part? What's the problem?

To which they replied, but without answering the question:

Unfortunately, there appears to have been fraudulent activity linked to your account. For this reason the account has been removed.

If you have evidence to the contrary, please submit it for possible consideration.

A few more exchanges followed, during which we repeatedly talked past one another:

Your reply is not responsive to my questions. Fraud on whose part? What is the problem?

You ask for “evidence to the contrary”. How can I provide any when you haven't told me yet what the problem is?

I want to get this straightened out, but you have not given me any information I can act on.

We appreciate your concerns about sharing personal information, but in order to look into your account and possibly reinstate it, we will need the following information: …

I did not express any concern about sharing personal information.

My patreon account email address is … .

[More information they demanded, all of which they already had.]

Now tell me who you think might be committing fraud, and who you think they are committing it against.

Thank you for the clarification. Fraudulent activity can be triggered by a variety of reasons.

At that point it seemed useless to continue, so, with peaceful aplomb I didn't. In due course they cancelled my account and refunded all the money I had ever paid out of it.

I still don't know what the hell was going on.