Content-Type: text/shitpost

This morning, looking at the Washington Post, I saw the headline “Zimbabwe’s military takes control of country and detains President Mugabe in showdown over political succession”.

“Wow,” I said. “Zimbabwe has had a coup.”

But it seems I was mistaken. The Post reports:

In a televised announcement after armored vehicles and troops rolled into the capital, Harare, a general insisted that it was “not a military takeover.”

A tweet from ZANU-PF, the long-time ruling party of Zimbabwe, was also eager to clear this up:

Zimbabwe has not had a coup.

This Twitter responder agrees:

ALL THE WHITE MEDIA , GLOBALLY @BBC @News24 @cnni ARE SPREADING the LIE THAT ZIMBABWE had a COUP , WHEN CLEARLY ZANU PF said they INTERVENED!

My favorite commentary so far has been another tweet, from ZANU-PF's youth league:

Contrary to international reports, the gallant Zimbabwean Army has not staged a COUP. There is n COUP in Zimbabwe. Neither is there crisis.

The army is simply effecting a National Democratic Project and it's doing so with peaceful aplomb.

Peaceful aplomb! I have a new life goal, to conduct my affairs with peaceful aplomb. You have my word, that if I ever take control of Zimbabwe, I will do it with peaceful aplomb.

Many years ago I was wandering around somewhere, maybe Fort Lauderdale, and I encountered a representative of Zendik Farm on the corner. I am a great believer in the power of Fate to lead me to things I should read, so I bought one of their zines. (Also, zines are fun.) We had a short conversation, in which the person told me about life on Zendik Farm. It sounded nice enough, if you like that kind of thing.

But much too early in that conversation, without my having asked, he assured me that Zendik Farm was “not a cult”.

Hmmm.