Content-Type: text/shitpost

Everyone seems to agree on what constitutes a good french fried potato: it should be crisp and golden-brown on the outside, soft and fluffy inside.

But most of the fried potatoes I get in restaurants are pretty terrible, pale yellow, soggy and mealy. I don't understand it. Everyone agrees on the criteria for a good fry, so why do all these restaurants serve fries that they know nobody will like? And then people eat them. Wouldn't some restaurant figure out that they could make more money by serving better fries? Or maybe customers would complain more? “Hey, do you call this limp wad of starch a french fry? Everyone knows fries are supposed to be crisp and golden-brown!“

It's not hard to make a good fry. He's the secret technique:

1. Put the fries in the hot oil.
2. Leave them there until they get crisp and golden-brown.
3. Then take them out.

<sarcasm>Tricky, huh?</sarcasm>

Cooking good fries is not hard. You just have to be a little bit patient. It is very easy to take them out too soon, and very difficult to take them out too late. Just leave them alone and do something else for a while.

If you do take them out too soon, it's easy to fix an underdone fry. Put it back in. The fries are happy to be fried twice. Some people even say they are best that way. I suspect those people would be just as happy if the fry were left in twice as long to begin with, but whatever.

After a lifetime of getting soggy fries, I discovered that in most restaurants you can get much better fries by ordering them “well-done”. Sometimes they come out soggy and yellow anyway, but you can send them back: “I ordered these well-done!”

Let's all create a better world by demanding better fried potatoes.