Content-Type: text/shitpost


Subject: Shrunken heads
Path: you​!your-host​!wintermute​!uunet​!asr33​!gormenghast​!hal9000​!plovergw​!shitpost​!mjd
Date: 2019-09-06T14:45:55
Newsgroup: alt.mjd.shrunken-heads
Message-ID: <04df360f0fc0ef36@shitpost.plover.com>
Content-Type: text/shitpost

Today I got to thinking about how amusing it would be to have a shrunken head (presumably fake) of the current president of the United States. Then I thought, why not a whole set, say back through Reagan?

Shrunken heads of Ford and Carter seemed less amusing, so I was willing to stop at Reagan, until I thought about owning a shrunken head of Richard Nixon, which would be too good to omit. But then a Lyndon Johnson shrunken head would be good to have also, I could look at it and think about the Vietnam War and ballot stuffing. And Kennedy, famously young and handsome, would make an excellent shrunken head.

So I decided that the best thing would be to have a complete set of the shrunken heads of all the presidents, starting with Washington, and the question that always comes up in such situations is: what do you do about Grover Cleveland? In this case the answer seemed clear: you include him twice.

Then I didn't get any work done for a quarter of an hour because I was laughing.

That conference attendee who wrote on their evaluation “thinks he's funnier than he is” really had my personality figured out.