Content-Type: text/shitpost

Wells Fargo Bank is now pushing a phone app, one of whose functions is to notify you immediately when they think someone might be making unauthorized charges to your credit or debit card. The advertisement displays an example, presumably calculated to alarm you:

I know I’m supposed to find this alarming, but it doesn’t quite hit the mark. A credit thief could arouse my ire by buying jewelry or fur coats. But ukuleles? It's just a little bit too cute. And how disarming, the enthusiasm of the people who sold the ukuleles, in naming their store Ukulele Palace and not something more prosaic like Ukulele World or Ukulele Outlet.

The setup reminds me of the absurd situations that arise in the game Illuminati!: “You need to roll 6 or better for the Credit Card Scammers to take control of the Ukulele Enthusiasts.”

In passing, I note that the ancient Roman ukulele festival, Ukulelia, was celebrated annually beginning on the calends of Sextilis.

(Also, something connecting ukulelia and glossolalia that would not be very funny even if I took the trouble to figure out what it was.)