Content-Type: text/shitpost

Subject: Three Musketeers
Path: you!your-host!walldrug!central-scrutinizer!fpuzhpx!plovergw!shitpost!mjd
Date: 2020-08-14T12:57:12
Newsgroup: alt.binaries.three-musketeers
Message-ID: <bbb7046059db506a@shitpost.plover.com>
Content-Type: text/shitpost

Thinking on this a little more, I think you have to make Ringo d'Artagnan, and play up his country-bumpkin-ness.

Then George is Aramis (obviously) and Paul is Athos, so that makes John Porthos.